In an average family, parents ask children to do things 17 times in half an hour. In families with a child with behaviour problems, that number rises to 40 times in half an hour. That’s a lot to comply with! It may be reassuring to know then, that typical children do not comply with their parents requests about one-third of the time.
Here are some tips to increase the likelihood of your child complying:
Decrease commands/instructions
Consider decreasing the amount of things you are asking your child to do. The less they are being asked/told what to do, the more likely they are to do it.
Make sure they actually heard you
Put your hand on their shoulder, get down to their level, ask them to look at you and/or repeat back what you are asking them to do.
Don’t use chain commands
Young children and some older children find it hard to hold multiple instructions in mind at a time “put your shoes away, hang up your coat and bag and take out your lunch box” might seem like a logical chain of events to you but some children need this broken down in to 3 or 4 different steps with some praise after they complete each step”
Use checklists (written or picture) to keep kids on track
Target one part of the day that is the hardest e.g. getting ready for school and make a checklist to keep your child on track. Many children may need one task broken down into several steps e.g. “Get dressed” might include “put on underwear”, “put on vest”, “put on T-Shirt”, “out on trousers” etc. Including your child in making the list might help motivate them to use it.
Use the ‘broken record’ technique
For children who get easily side tracked, remain calm, wait 5 seconds and repeat what you are asking them to do. If they try to draw you in to a conversation about something else, tell them you will talk about it when “X” has happened.
State commands positively
As much as possible state commands positively e.g. “Please hold my hand and walk with me” instead of “Don’t you run in to the street like you did yesterday” or “Make sure you keep the markers on the paper” instead of “Don’t colour on the table!”
Follow compliance with labelled praise
Labelled praise tells someone (works on partners too), exactly what you are pleased about. The more positive praise someone gets, the more likely they are to do that thing again e.g. “Thank you so much for bringing me the baby’s diaper”, “You’re getting so big, you even know which things to put in the garbage and which in the recycling”
Top Tips:
· Decrease commands
· Break it into simple steps
· Help them keep their focus by repeating the command in a calm and consistent manner
· Keep it positive
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